Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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