I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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