he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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