Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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