The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
