he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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