I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
