So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
