you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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