I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
