Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize