I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
