Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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