This is not my ceiling
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
