I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
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