So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
nutella sex= disaster
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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