Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
