He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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