is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
