You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
