It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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