i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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