my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
