Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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