Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
