she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
