i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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