those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
