I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
