its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
