i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
