Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Randomize
