I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
