Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
