Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
