You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
