see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
