At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
