He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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