my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
