the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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