so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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