I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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