the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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