Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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