You can't special order awesome
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
