I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Randomize
