Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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