i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize