Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
