my being single is dangerous.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
